A hairball and a rotten banana peel to Nickelodeon’s Double Dare 2000 for forcing a chimpanzee to perform frightening, silly tricks. We dare you to tell Nickelodeon that only selfish jerks force animals to entertain humans. Write: Nickelodeon, 1515 Broadway, New York, NY 10003, or online at Nick.com.

A “fuzzy” hairball to Justin Timberlake for wearing fur in YM magazine. Tell Justin that it isn’t cool to be cruel and that you’ll be saying “bye-bye-bye” if he keeps wearing fur. Write: Justin Timberlake, c/o Wright Entertainment Group, Ste. 500, 7680 Universal Blvd., Orlando, FL 32819.

An animal shelter-sized hairball to Dr. Dolittle star Eddie Murphy who told Entertainment Tonight, “Every now and again [my kids will] have a dog ... and then it becomes too much .... This dog we had, it was one of those little dogs ... not the kind of dog that I want to be walking! ... He’s out now.” Tell Eddie that dumping animals is out: Eddie Murphy c/o Arnold Robinson, Rogers and Cowan, 1888 Century Park E., Los Angeles, CA 90067.

Yummy yummy catnip to Little Caesars for including information for vegetarians and vegans on its Web site (LittleCaesars.com) and offering pizza and Crazy Bread, minus the cheese. Vegan! Vegan!

Fox fur hairballs to Jennifer Lopez, who wears false eyelashes made of fox fur. Jennifer’s mom apparently never taught her that beauty is more than skin deep. Write to Jennifer Lopez c/o Alan Nierob, Rogers and Cowan, 1888 Century Park E., Los Angeles, CA 90067.

Hairballs and toe cheese to Mighty Mouse, who, instead of saving the day, is promoting artery-clogging, heart attack-provoking cheese. In a commercial for the cheese industry, Mighty Mouse says he “caves to the crave” for cheese. We think Mighty Mouse’s creators caved to the crave for cash! Write to Mr. Carl Folta, Senior Vice President, Corporate Relations, Viacom, 1515 Broadway, 52nd Fl., New York, NY 10036-5794; or e-mail info@viacom.com.